HGTV vs. Real Life

Almost every time someone finds out we are flipping our second house, they ask if we watch a lot of HGTV, as if that's what gave us the idea. The truth is, we'd never watched HGTV until the plane ride home this last Christmas. And I have to admit, we kind of liked it. It has given us some good ideas. We've even learned a few things! But there are some key differences between what you see on HGTV and the reality of house flipping. What's that, you say? Real life remodeling is not just like an episode of Fixer Upper? Shocking, I know. But here's the truth:

1. On HGTV, there is always a crisis. Water damage! Permit problems! Warped siding! Oh my! Will they ever finish the job?! Will they lose all their money?!  I suppose those things happen in real life, but on HGTV they act like they never suspected they would find mold, when in reality, you plan for those things. Sure, it's a bummer, but you aren't shocked. And you don't need to sit in front of a camera processing your feelings, or worrying about how you're going to tell the contractor. But of course, without some drama, there would probably be no audience.

2. On HGTV, sometimes the crisis has to do with permits. And they really are a pain. But in real life, the city does not simply "pull a few strings" to get your permits through so you can begin work. When you are not on TV, the city doesn't care about you. They just want your money.

3. On HGTV, your lovely host comes up with the perfect remodeling plan for your house in about three minutes. They begin work right away because their little interns probably sit at a computer all day drawing floor plans on Sketch Up. In real life, you invite your friends over to drink tea in the bathroom and together you hem and haw, and wonder if you will get the most for your money by moving the washer and dryer or installing a clawfoot tub. 

4. On HGTV, they somehow always end up with a little extra money in the budget so you can pick one of three amazing bonuses for your house. A rooftop deck? An indoor badminton court? Bathroom sauna? In real life, I'm hoping to be under budget so we can buy a second car, or pay off some student loans, not turn the shed into an outdoor kitchen with a pizza oven. In real life, you save your extra money, you don't blow it on a dog shower in the garage. But that's not as fun to watch on TV.

5. Real life remodeling is a lot like HGTV in some ways, except in slow motion. On HGTV the subway tile seems to climb up the wall effortlessly, at fast-forwarded speeds. In real life, it takes eight hours to tile half a small shower because you're constantly dropping the separators, and you keep cutting tiles that are too big, and you accidentally knock an entire row down when you try to move one that's already dried because the leveler reveals a slight slant to the left. Dang it.

P.S. In an effort to make our flip a little less like reality, and a little more like HGTV, I applied to be on America's Most Desperate Kitchen. Here's the video if you want to feel bad for me. Thanks, Mom, for being my camera woman! 

Oh, and it's actually gotten worse since filming. The disposer recently gave out, and we broke the pipe trying to fix it, so we stuck a bucket under the sink collecting the water that needs to be dumped into the backyard. Last night, I was washing dishes when I had the strange sensation that my feet were getting wet. Turns out you need to check the bucket water levels more than you think. Have you ever seen that on HGTV?